a decolonizing process

through enfleshment, ensoulment, pagkapwa, payapang loob.

as part of my rumination-in-progress and as part of my decolonizing process, enfleshment, ensoulment, payapang loob (accepting critical self), pagkapwa (self-awareness of others) and aloha 'āina will be guiding and animating me navigate and manifest these concepts to question and reflect about critical theory.

i started a pilot: questioning how i create movements, a dance, and my relationships with people/students/dancers i collaborate with or i encounter.

i am starting to meticulously pay more attention to language and how i use it. through ruminations, poetry/spoken words emerged and still emerging. some don’t make sense but it is part of my enfleshment process.


Anzaldúa has been haunting me in my dreams. this became the impetus for the poetry or spoken words or phrases that emerged from these ruminations. they are interconnected yet they are not.

food and cooking is a critical practice I cultivate into my everyday existence. it is meditative. the following poem/spoken word is inspired by Anzaldúa and the visceral qualities of her work. its humanness. its animality.

he kneads

he moulds

he pats the round dough

towards her soft pink lips

then to her small and pointed chin

to her pulsing chest

to her supple and round breasts.

he rests momentarily.

he presses the round dough onto her navel

he rides his imagination…

he breathes

she breathes in exultation.

note: serenading neruda while baking cookies.


Chen’s animacy. animating. animism. animals...untamed.

the beauty and motion of fireflies in the rice fields reminded me of my childhood in rural philippines. growing up, being filipino, uncolonized.

animals and insects which include snakes, water buffalos, snails, dragonflies and fireflies were common friends i encountered when i was young. we all existed together.

i went back to my body to experience and  create a short movement phrase. fireflies became an inspiration immediately. fireflies and its continuous glowing motion inspired me to do “fireflies.” this was a short work presented at the festival of lights at twu on the 29th of november. (footage in progress…)

some words that made this fireflies (alitaptap) into a dance possible: (translation forthcoming...)


          nasaan ka, alitaptap?


          sa kaliitan

          dahan-dahang kang masisilayan


sa kadiliman

walang hapo kang kumikislap


           sa kapaligiran

           kagandahan mo’y kumiti-kutitap


sa kabukiran

taling hayag kang nag-aanyayo



sa katahimikan

harana mo’y umaalingawngaw


           umaaninag na si liwayway!

           pagod ka, na ba?


          hanggang sa muli, alitaptap?


movement materials from class that i started deconstructing and questioning. is movement alive or a life? is it more enfleshed, manifested, or animated because of the body or my body? or is the breath, the noise, the being (sentient) of the movement?

see vimeo footage: my current process on how to dialog with students about movement and experiencing movements through enfleshment.


password: maliitPHd

words emerged again as i re-read anzaldua, sharpe, crawley, barad, and betasamosake’s work.

your absence

      a silent voluminous cacophony.

your absence


    a feeling with and in silence.

your absence

    speaking in silence

        disrupting time

                the present.

your absence



a void

a vacuum

a vortex

a puka


                from the bones

                from the flesh

                from the heart

                from the soul





                                an ukelele

                                     of mahogany

                                     of mango

                                    of acacia

                                    of koa





never failing

always rising



nohona mehameha

your absence

                                     a loud vibration



             ghostly existing.

your absence

                      a ma

                     a taksu

your absence

                          a haptic blackness.


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